Sorry

found myself crying after solah.
i have too many sins,too many mistakes and yet Allah never give up on me. Dear Allah, Im sorry, so sorry. Im sorry because i couldnt do anything to help my fellow muslims. Im so sorry because i didnt stop them from doing maksiat. Im so sorry because im too scared to be judge by this world. Im sorry because I forgot you are the creator of this world, the Earth. Ouh my Almighty God, Allah, please please love me, remember me and help me. Dont leave me in the dark, im too scared to be left alone. lead me, show me the way, the path that will bring me to your heaven, jannah.

uncle guard

when i was in primary school, there was an uncle guard maybe in his late 50s+. uncle guard ni dah lama dah kerja dekat sekolah rendah i tu rasanya, i nampak uncle guard ni since i was 7. i never had any chance to talk or have a proper conversation with him. but when our eyes met, he always smiled at me. kiranya sepanjang 6 tahun bersekolah dekat situ ktorg selalu berbalas senyuman je lah. tapi i selalu tengok dia sembang dgn students lain. normally the boys lah. he's quite chatty and friendly. setiap kali i terpandang uncle guard ni i will find myself smiling for no reason. pelik gila. and he's a singh, a tall bearded one. sepatutnya kite rasa takut lah kan, but nope. i felt safe. maybe betul org cakap, org yang baik ni dari jauh dah boleh tahu dia baik.

i tak pernah kisah pun pasal uncle guard ni sepanjang 6 tahun i bersekolah dekat situ. but one day, bile i nak balik and waiting for my dad to pick me up, uncle ni was rushing towards me. i was quite shocked and scared. 'dah apa pulak aku buat ni kan ?' haha. then, this uncle guard said "uncle dari semalam panggil kamu tapi kamu buat tak tahu" *i didnt hear him okay,bukan buat tak tahu. and i replied "yeke ? kenapa uncle ?" this uncle said "hari ni hari last uncle dekat sini, uncle nak bagitahu kamu dari semalam tp kamu tak dengar uncle pangil."  "ouh, kenapa hari last? uncle nak pergi mana?"  "anak uncle ajak uncle tingal dengan dia, dia nak jaga uncle."*he sounds happy. before, i pernah terfikir yg uncle ni tade anak and was poor sbb baju singlet yg dia pakai koyak-koyak. i pun jwb lah, "okay lah tu. nanti kami mesti rindu uncle."  "uncle pun banyak rindu sini nanti.uncle banyak berat nak pergi. nanti kamu jaga diri baik-baik aaa." i nampak muka uncle ni sedih and dia pergi balik dekat pondok jaga.

few weeks passed, and i didnt saw him since. tiba-tiba i rasa mcm kehilangan sesuatu. setiap kali balik dari sekolah i akan intai pondok jaga tu tgk uncle tu ada ke tak. tetiba terasa mcm ktorg rapat. padahal baru sembang sekali je. tapi i pelik juga,knp dalam banyak-banyak students dkt situ dia bgtahu i sorg je yg dia nak pindah. baru sekarang i sedar yang uncle guard ni sentiasa perhatikan and jaga i dari i darjah satu. mana taknya, both my parents are busy working. sometimes i balik lambat gila. tinggal sorg2 je dekat sekolah. bila fikir balik, rasa macam menyesal sangat sebab tak sempat nak ucap terima kasih dekat uncle tu. 

uncle guard ni buat i sedar, bila kita rasa kita sunyi dan tak ada org sayang kita. ada seseorang yang sedang jaga kita dan sayang kita tanpa pengetahuan kita. it always makes me feel better when i think about it and this uncle guard yang i langsung tak tahu pun nama dia. he will always remain in my heart.